John -- a meditation
When I think about the book of John I think about a deeper revelation of relationship. It is almost as if John had access to the other three gospels before he wrote his. I can just hear Yochanan saying, "My friends, you left so much out." In the beginning was the Word -- He gave us His word. He made us promises that He kept and He kept the promises that He made, even when the promises we made were ones that we prayed He didn't mean to make.
He did what He said that He would do and we are doing what He said we would do and for me at least that is almost too much to take. His words are still remaking me. His words are still creating in me realities and reservoirs that revive me when I would have given up hope. It's true, I no longer have a mind of my own. His sacrifice burns in me. His love for me and his belief in me -- burns in me -- when I close my eyes and when I dream awake. My tears have run dry long ago -- the inspiration that I feel inside is every day. It isn't unusual. It is usual. It is as if I am short of breath and awestruck all of the time for He has touched me in a way that touches me unawares and awares.
Follow me. What seek ye? It is not yet my time. -- These words of His they ring in me as His gaze falls upon me and my flesh reacts anew -- Yochanan -- in you there is no evil -- no sin -- no malice -- and no turning back -- and as He said these words I thought to disbelieve but could not for the love and the sincerity with which he stole my frail resolve -- I gave into Him and do so still unto this day.
Do you follow me for the bread that I can serve you? Do you come to me to hear stories that you've heard from long ago? Do you hope that I will make you rich or destroy the Roman rulers, or is there something more wonderful that you've tasted that you just can't quite touch or know -- Come -- let us go.
Let us go unto the Father -- Let us go together as Sons. Let us walk in full commitment until all that's been said is done. Let us work the plan that's written. Let us lay our fears aside. Come on now my Yochanon Come with me... Abide and arise.
I saw the man of the Gadarenes. I saw the pigs go over the cliff. I saw Lazarus coming forth and the Pharisees tear their clothes each time. I saw Jairus daughter. I saw the withered hand. I am not like the others. I cannot deny Him. I cannot betray Him. I have seen Him. I have held Him. My very breath is His command. And I hear Him still.
It's been a long time since I've cried. I've missed Him so. He used to keep me close and I I would look at the others and in my pride I would steal a chance to boast, but today as I remember Him and I remember how He prayed. He kept me close to listen in - to write those words down and He would watch me and He would weigh me and He would hold me there with His love for me - and those prayers are still there now.
Oh Father Keep them. I have kept them in your Name. Father pull them closer to you as I have held them close to me. As I am in you, and they in me, let them be in you and let us be together, forever, and always.
And still, I struggle to understand -- but one thing I don't struggle with -- His words still ring in my heart and in my head -- when I am awake and when I am asleep.
Go John -- take nothing with you. If they receive you... stay. If they don't ... move on. Expect nothing from them. Give to them ... You are a sower of the Words that I give you for my words they are Spirit and they are Life. Believest thou me?
I believe.